Winter warning

[Louis the fly]

Now then all you old codgers turn up your hearing aids and listen carefully, winter is coming and extra care is required.
If venturing out alone make sure your name and address is sewn into the back of your greatcoat in case you need to be returned.
For those in the wilds of North East England and Scotland, where it is always colder, only have one Sand Dancer Special Brew for breakfast so that you are not rushing down the yard to the privy all day. If you are still sharing a bed with your wife or your whippet make sure they go to bed first to warm it up.
Keep your long johns and string vest on at all times.
Following this simple, easy to understand advice, will keep you safe in winter.

For those poor sods who have been left stranded in the colonies you face the opposite dilemma, tropical heat and cane toads. Remember you are British and standards must be maintained in the face of the uncouth natives. Large amounts of sun protection to be applied to the head, where the hair used to be.
Axle grease is very good for this but it makes a terrible mess of the pillows. Never forget to wear underpants beneath the shorts as mozzi bites and sunburn are very painful to the extremities. If you have a problem with memory you can always refer back to this for guidance.
Good day.

[Captain Kong]

I wear fur lined knickers this weather.

[robpage]

I bet you cannot get them dry Cleaned either , I have sent your name to http://www.antifursociety.org/ , and theyy will send a couple of their men around to remove aforesaid knickers , I think they are ex UCL 1st Class Waiters , one is called Arthur , and I cannot remember the other's name

[Captain Kong]

Thank you Rob
I shall look forward to seeing them
Brian

[gray_marian]

Burning them may be the best option......Nothing personal Capt'

[Louis the Amigo]

Hi Shipmates, will it be safe to walk on ice? its a quick way to get a hip replacement.

[Ivan Cloherty]

I bet you cannot get them dry Cleaned either , I have sent your name to http://www.antifursociety.org/ , and theyy will send a couple of their men around to remove aforesaid knickers , I think they are ex UCL 1st Class Waiters , one is called Arthur , and I cannot remember the other's name

The other one was called 'minute' they were two cockney lads

[leratty]

What about an electric akin a electric blanket, sheepskin lined 'cod piece' now that would be the best pressie in your stockings old codgers (: Oh for Gods sake do not use if incontinent in that area!

[Neville Roberts]

you lucky buggers up there in the frozen north , I,m down here in florida and the black bears are on the scrounge for winter fuel . rattlers . and mocasins are all over the place raccoons and bocats are lookin in on us ,deer and gators are prevelant .come on down and see whatcha missin . have to go and turn the airconditioning on again gonna be 85 agin .tatar der lads keep the home fires burning

[Louis the fly]

I have recently discovered ( with the expert medical knowledge of Maid Marian ) that taking medication with fresh orange juice can reduce the effectiveness of the drug and it may not work properly.
All this time I have been blaming it on a bad batch of viagra.