A Senior Cits Joke.

[Ivan Cloherty]

As for old sayings :-

'Don't worry about life! no one gets out alive anyway!'

This mornings cheerful thought

[happy daze john in oz]

A desperate tramp picks up a piece of horse dung, finds a big house and knocks.
'All I have to eat is this sir and i am hungry'

Came in says the man and we will give you a good meal.

Some days later he tries the same again on another mansion.

Knocks and The man replies,
'Go round to the stables and ask the man there fort a warm one' tell the man on the door his story.

l

[Graham Shaw]

Age

'It had taken me years to summon up the resolve to return to Africa because in all travel one's mood is crucial.I had been happy and hopeful here .I had began to see that Africa had aged the same way that Africans themselves had aged-old at forty:most Kenyans and Ugandans I had met so far were too young to remember independence some forty or more years ago.I had procrastinated about returning because I had suspected that the Africa I had known had disappeared,had become anarchic and violent.This seemed to be borne out by the headlines in Uganda that week about the bombs,actually grenades,that had gone off at Kampala's main market .Two people had been killed and ten injured -post-election violence was the repeated explanation ,the opposition being blamed.But that disruption went with the territory.It was politics,as Africans said.
And I was just an anonymous old man man in old clothes in a corner seat in a chicken bus reading about it in a local newspaper......


What all older people know,what had taken me almost sixty years to learn,is that an aged face is misleading.I did not want to be the classic bore ,the reminiscing geezer,yet I now knew:The old are not as frail as you think,they are insulted to be regarded as feeble.They are full of ideas,hidden powers,even sexual energy.Don't be fooled by the thin hair and battered features and the scepticism:The older traveller knows it best:in our hearts we are youthful and we are insulted to be treated as old men and burdens,for we have come to know that the years have made us more powerful and certainly streetwise.Years are not an affliction-old age is strength'.



[Extracted from the book I am reading-Dark Star Safari (Overland from Cairo to the Cape) by Paul Theroux, whilst the author compiled his thoughts on a bus from Kenya into Uganda at the turn of the millenium,some 40 years after his spell of teaching there in East Africa)]

[j.sabourn]

Back to jokes ….I asked the librarian if they had a copy of “ The history of WD 40 ?” She said
“ Yes, it’s in the non friction section”.

If we can manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists testicles are aphrodisiacs
Within 10 years they’ll have disappeared.

What did Spartacus say when the Lion ate his wife? Nothing he was Gladiator.
JS

[j.sabourn]

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel,blankets or sleeping
bag, extra clothing including scarf and hat and gloves, 24 hours of food and drink,de-iced, rock salt, torch and spare batteries
Safety triangle, tow rope, petrol can, first aid kit, jumper leads ……I looked a right idiot on the bus this morning.
JS

[Roger Millard]

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel,blankets or sleeping
bag, extra clothing including scarf and hat and gloves, 24 hours of food and drink,de-iced, rock salt, torch and spare batteries
Safety triangle, tow rope, petrol can, first aid kit, jumper leads ……I looked a right idiot on the bus this morning.
JS

what can one say other than thanks! they inprove with time.

[j.sabourn]

Did you know …..Twigs fallen from trees can live on the ground for at least 100 years—That’s a static stick for you !!! JS.

[j.sabourn]

I don’t usually use a Gym but I heard that a new machine had been installed. I had to go and try it.
I tried but could only keep it up for for half an hour.. Great machine though, it does Twix, Kit Kat, Mars and even crisps.

Did you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be Alive ?
One of my friends did and now he’s not allowed to fly Easyjet anymore !?

I met a dyslexic Yorkshireman today, he was wearing a Cat Flap.
Word to the wise……Don’t take the top off a tube of superglue with your teeth, I can’t tell you how I know this……my lips are sealed.!

Yesterday my mate nearly fell victim to a St. Patrick’s day scammer. A bloke tried to sell him a pice of stone from
Ireland ,kissed by St. Patrick himself. When he looked underneath it said “ made in China”, he said then “ I knew it was obviously a Sham Rock”.

JS

[Johnny Kieran]

Some crackers there JS