FLYING HIGH

[happy daze john in oz]

Here in Oz we have four domestic airlines.
QUANTAS (queers and nymphomaniacs taken as stewards) Often referred to in a loving manner asQuainta**se.

Jetstar, the budget subsidiary of the above. A jet yes, stara bit doubtful.

Virgin Australia, bit of an oxymoron that name.

Tiger, very budget 60% owned by the Virgin.
Great airline if you arrive in plenty of time. Be one minutepast booking time and a fee of $85 applies.

I have the need to travel to Sydney just after Christmas toboard a cruise ship. To reach Sydney I can go by bus, train or plane but chosethe latter.
Normally I book on line and attempted to do so today.Unfortunately it would appear the site was not available on line, and knowinghow busy it gets at that time of year I decided to try the phone reservationsnumber. I dialled and soon a voice said,
‘This is Virgin, how can we help’?
For a second my mind went blank, a Virgin, had my luck justchanged, but then again what would I do with one? I have some great ideas butnot just now.
‘Did you say a Virgin’ I replied?
‘Yes sir, Virgin Airlines’.
No my luck is not in I considered, this is the airline.
‘How can we assist you today sir”?
‘I need to fly to Sydney’
‘Yes sir how many will be travelling’?
‘Two of us’
‘Sir are you saying there is two of you’?
‘No myself and my wife.’
‘You and your wife, will you be travelling together’?
‘Of course’!!!
‘Is this a one way trip or will you be returning’?
‘Of course we will return, why do you think we would want tostay in Sydney’?
‘It is a very nice city sir, I am sure you would like it’.
‘When do you intend to trave’?
I gave details of times and dates.
‘Sir the fare to Sydney on that date will be $170 each andthe return fare $125 each’.
‘That is fine, not a bad price for the time of year’.
‘Now sir we need to book your seats, do you have apreference. Window or centre, port or starboard, forward or aft’?
‘Two seats on the port side at the very rear of the aircraftplease.’
‘You like the rear sir’?
‘Yes safest part of the aircraft in the event of a crash’
‘Sir we do not intend to crash so you will be perfectlysafe. I can offer you seats 45A&B, will that be in order’?
‘Yes that is fine, will we have the same both ways’?
‘Yes sir, now there is a charge for the seats of $25 each’.
‘But you said the fare would be $170 one way and $125 theother surely that includes the seat’?
‘No sir the fare is set but seats differ in price accordingto their situation on the aircraft.’
‘I have never heard of this before, is it new’?
‘Has been in place since July 1^st, now would youlike seats with extended leg room, we can accommodate you with such seats for$35 additional each’.
‘At this rate I am not sure if I can afford them, no theordinary ones will be fine, the $25 ones, an extra $35 would make them $60’.
‘Will sir and madam have luggage to place in the hold’?
‘Yes one case each.’
‘Fine sir you are allowed 23 kilos for each case, would youlike to check them now’?
‘How can I do that, we do not go until the end of December’.
‘No sir would you like to pay for them now. If you do so nowthere will be a charge of $15 per case. You can wait until you check I at theairport but the charge then will be $40 each case’.
Do I need to take out a personal loan I considered at thisjuncture?
‘No I will pay now and heaven help the credit card’.
‘Sir will pay by card, which one will sir be using’?
‘ Sir has no choice but to pay by card unless you have somemeans of sending cash down the phone line’.
‘There will be a charge of $7.50 for paying by credit cardsir’.
‘A charge, but there is no other way of paying you told me’.
‘That is correct sir all transactions now are done withcredit cards only’.
‘Will you send a receipt by e-mail’?
‘Yes sir your ticket will be an e-ticket and there is a $10charge for that’.
‘So how much is the total’?
‘Sir will have to pay a total of $ a bucket load charged toyour credit card’.
‘With your new pricing system would it not be easier to putall the costs together as one charge for the flight rather than splitting itinto different bits’ I asked
‘No sir if we did that we would not be able to offer thecheap flights that we do, your flight price is a discounted price due to thetime of day you intend to travel’.
‘Does that mean if I travel later in the day it would costmore’?
‘Yes sir as much as 35% more’
‘Thank you I look forward to the e-tickets coming through’.
‘No sir we are now a ticket less airline, all you will needis photo identification and your booking number when you arrive at the airport.You may check in on line 24 hours before or wait until you arrive at theairport’.
‘No doubt if I wait until then there will be a charge’?
‘Yes sir $10 per person’
End of transaction, and this is a budget airline?
All I have to do now is tell her indoors we have an earlyflight. Good job we are only 15 minutes from the airport, 0630 take off may notbe popular with her.
I wonder how much the coach costs?

[Captain Kong]

Hi John.
It cost me an extra $80 for a door seat from Gold Coast to Perth last March. I left her and her mate Barbara at the back somewhere, it was cheaper for them.
That was with Jet Star.
Cheers
Brian.

[Tony Morcom]

There speaks the voice of a true gentleman

[Lou Barron]

My wife and i use to fly a lot by Quantas Air Lines in fact we joined the Frequent Fliers cluband it did get us a few free trips .But on one trip to the UK it was not very good .Wnen we use to fly in Aussie we fly Ansett but we changed Airlines and found the Asian airlines was very good .I am flying Singapore Airlines to the UK next year having flew with them before and found them very good

[Tony Morcom]

I have fond memories of Singapore Airlines and their gorgeous stewardesses from the 70's Lou.

[Captain Kong]

Singapore Airlines is one of the very best for pretty stewardsesses, I flew Philpine Air lines
To and from OZ the best stewardesses, pretty and attentive. The only problem was the planes, so very old, coming into Manila we landed NEAR the airport, in a paddy field with 15 fire engines and ambulances, , Homeward bound landing at Bangkok the wheels fell off and we spun all over the airport.
Exciting what!
The most boring is B.A. but I have 71,000 Air miles saved up so I have to keep flying with them as I want another free trip to OZ.
Cheers
Brian.

[leratty]

Happy daze John we have never understood how when the only way you can pay for your tickest they can then charge you for the use of a credit card. You can with some use the debit card system but they still, yes for real charge you!
Apropos airlines espechially discount ones we did it a couple of times then swore off them admitiing one gets what one pays for. We fly a lot & have come to the conclusion that all, well OK majority of airlines are much of a muchness (except US all CRAP!) with the exceptions we have found being, Thai, Emirates, Qatar, Ethiopian Air & Turkish Air. The first two can be problematic as you have to hub through their country which we are not so keen on due to additional time on flight + time on ground often having to change planes .....The latter two very very good. We were seriously big time users of Cathay Pacific, however sadly they have lost the plot akin Qantas international eons ago. Would only fly them, Qantas if last airline available. We used Cathay recently HK-Paris biz class & it was akin economy years ago. Heaven help you if you were 6'+ or say 100kg or more. Food pretty rough but hey we left HK at 1/4 to 1 am to arrive Paris 7.45am so slept the majority of the way thus did not bother us too much. Oh we still have some 500,000 Qantas frequent flyer points too ): thank the Lord you can use them for other airlines of the group they are with. Richard